The Edge of Almost

Design by Jeslyn Lanier

At the edge of almost I stood, almost too weak, too tired, too far. In the mirror I looked and saw, once again, a body that I didn’t know. This body was weak and frail and tired. It had been punished by no fault but my own in a battle I never expected to fight. The body image devil had gripped me and almost taken me down. 

Not long before I had looked at this body, the fuller and stretchier version back then. It was the same frame, but loathed by its soul. It was dealt with severely by post-partum hormones. It was nursing a newborn and not fed enough. Punished for the privileged price of carrying life. My selfish heart didn’t know how to cope with the stranger in the mirror. 

So now I stood looking, almost sick and consumed, but only almost. 

Here I was again, in bondage again, but by something I never expected. I was blindsided by the enemy in a mental and spiritual war this time. I had to be rescued and healed and I was. I was rescued by Jesus through words from my mother who saw the almost and boldly spoke truth. 

I have freedom today from the almost that gripped me. Today I count blessings and healthy and life. I count the 5 lives who were and who are worth every imperfection I see. And through the flaws that are seen I remember those unseen. I remember my sin and my need for a Savior. My body, my mind, and my spirit need Jesus. 

Today I count grace because He’s been faithful to free me and save me and pull me from the edge of almost.