A Mother’s Love

When I first thought about writing for Momuscripts, I honestly had no idea where to start and really figured nothing would come of it. There have been so many topics discussed and tackled in this blog series, and to be real I didn’t think I had anything of value to add. Mommin’ is hard, and constantly feeling like “I am failing at this” or “what can I say to add to someone else’s life” will freeze you up from ever putting anything out there.

Then one day while waiting in carpool line it was simple and clear . . . my Mom. I can write about my mother and what an encouragement and influence she had over my life and maybe by the end you will be thankful for the women who showed you Jesus and be thankful for the gift to impress the next generation.

Let’s jump in. I have so many lovely memories of my mom, but the main thing that sticks out to me is how real her faith was. I would always find her sitting in her chair in the living room reading her Bible, praying, journaling, or listening to worship music on a portable CD player (which she still used even once she got an iPhone). Growing up I really didn’t understand how my mother’s faith would impact my life in the future. But years later, in one of the most challenging seasons I’d experienced, adjusting to motherhood for the first time, I was just kind of doing the best I could to get by, my mother’s faith spoke to me. She was right there alongside me (from 1200 miles away) encouraging me, praying for me and my family. I knew no matter what, she would speak light and truth into my life. She was such a warrior of the faith!

A few years later, on November 28, 2017, my phone rang. My brother-in-law, Chris, called to tell me my mom was gone. You see, she had been battling with mental illness for about a year, and I guess in her mind leaving this earth was the better option. My mother had been such a spiritual guide in my life I could not help but yell at God, “Why her?! Why that way?! How do we keep moving forward?!” And while the “why” will never be answered this side of eternity, He spoke in a whisper to me as I was reading through some of my mom’s old journals. I found some that she had torn out and placed in a folder. One of the entries is from when she found out she was pregnant with my older sister (I am looking at you Amy Lynn). So, I sat there humbled and grateful as I read how she talked to God like a friend and she wanted to start getting back into going to church regularly because this baby deserved to know . . . to know who Jesus was and that her child needed to hear that. I was floored to read her selflessness and how she wanted to impress Jesus into this unborn baby.

A few months ago, while visiting my dad, I found another journal of hers and in it another prayer. It was from when I was in high school. She prayed first for my sister that she would find purpose and direction. Second, she prayed for my dad that he would lean into Jesus’s will and have perseverance at work. She then prayed for friends and co-workers. Then lastly she prayed for me, that my relationship with Jesus would be real and personal, and that I would get a good grade on a test I was studying for (Lord knows I needed all the help with school!). She finished it up by praying for God’s will over all our lives.

I am so thankful for her words and that she gave us glimpses into her heart. And in that moment, y’all it hit me, that even in death she is still encouraging me, and God is reminding me of her faith and love. My mom might not be physically present in my life anymore, but her legacy of faith still speaks to me regularly and has such a big impact on my life.

So all of this brings me to my encouragement and challenge to you. To all of us who have influence and are speaking into the next generation—what are they seeing us do? Even as little toddlers, is all they are seeing is us too busy on our phones or binge watching the hottest TV show? Are they seeing our faith? I don’t remember everything from my childhood, but I remember my mom’s faith and that it was real for her. She never hid it. She showed us by her actions that Jesus was real and worth everything. I will always be thankful to God that she was intentional to be in the Word and share that with my sister and me. Yes, I want my children to remember my love, but even more, I want them to know that I love Jesus fiercely and that He loves them too.

So, ladies, are we up to the task? Will we love Jesus in such a way that it overflows into our children and the next generation that they may know our faith is authentic and they will crave that for themselves? I pray that we will.